Principles and Bearing a Grudge



I go to visit my elderly neighbour every day. She is in her 8os and recently fell and broke her collar-bone, so I pop in to see if I can do a few chores and we have a chat and a coffee.

Anyway, she was chatting about her children …a son and a daughter, who are both in their 50s.  Apparently the two siblings haven’t really spoken to each other very often for many years.  This is not because they live far apart …oh no, there is only a couple of miles between their respective homes. The lack of communication is because of a feud ….a few arguments that have built up over time and now there is a resentful barrier between them.

My neighbour said that they are both stubborn, but her daughter has  “at least tried“, whereas her son,

….has his principles ….

  This was said with a hint of pride in her voice, as though that was a  ‘good thing’. But I thought it was rather sad.

Oh, its all very well having principles ….very admirable in some circumstances …..but I think that it can be destructive too.

I am often told that I am  “too forgiving” …..but is that really so awful  ?

In fact, can one be  ‘too forgiving‘ …?

I expect so …………...sometimes !  After all, when you are repeatedly  ‘kicked in the teeth‘  by the same person, I guess that you have to, eventually, call a halt.  People like that wear you out; they take and take until there is nothing more you can give  and you are left like a wrung-out dish-cloth.

But I have never been one to bear a grudge.  We all say and do things that we regret, don’t we? So what use are the words,  “ I’m sorry”  or  “Please forgive me”  if we never accept them ?  I prefer to  ‘have it out‘ and move on.

Life is ….as we all must surely know …..far too short to keep harping back to the past.  My erstwhile Mother-in-Law used to do that. She wouldn’t let anything go …. constantly flung things back in peoples faces …. could never forgive and forget. She died a miserable, twisted, lonely old woman. Only two people attended her funeral ………

How sad to have one’s life summed up that way.  I would much rather people said of me,

“She forgave too readily

………….than ….

She always bore a grudge”

So I truly hope that my neighbour’s children find a way to resolve their differences, before it is too late ….. but, somehow, I doubt it.

And that will be a tragedy, don’t you think ?


By the way ….please bear with me while I try to find a new theme for my blog page.  I haven’t been happy with my old one for some time. I am looking for a neater, cleaner  look so this page may change a few times before I am satisfied.  ‘Twas ever thus ……………


About rosiewrites2

Growing old, disgracefully and enjoying every minute.
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11 Responses to Principles and Bearing a Grudge

  1. A thought-provoking post. I agree it would be very sad if your neighbour’s children die without having made it up and that forgiveness is best, but without knowing the background and circumstances it’s difficult to judge. Families can be very complicated, can’t they?


  2. msalliance says:

    As an only child married to an only child this whole sibling thing does make me wonder. My mum is one of 9 and there were forever cliques and feuds among her siblings. Many of them died without resolving them and, as you know, my mother is now in a care facility in India and never visited by her remaining siblings, who have disowned her.

    I have found myself in a horrible situation recently, which has come to a head on the past week. I have thought so many times about writing to retaliate for the injustice but have thought the better of it, because I don’t want to demean myself. But, honestly, it’s so annoying always having to be the better person and remain silent, isn’t it?


  3. msalliance says:

    p.s. Which photo plugin do you use? Yours is pretty!


  4. rosiewrites2 says:

    Yes …I find I’m always either the peacemaker or the tongue-biter.

    Erm …photo-plug-in ? I just download photos from my photo files on my laptop…..I am the least techy person in the world.


  5. Rockleigh says:

    Both my parents came from big families, watching the heirechy and put downs, pure dogmatic nastiness I’m only too pleased I ended up an only child, even now my cousins fued, lie and play awful games doing things behind my aunts back, yet still at the ages they should know better play her off against her own children.
    And as we know, Mothers will always protect their son a little more than a daughter, that role was left always to the Father, perhaps it’s the rift in their lives that keep them going.
    True, nothing worse than family.


    • rosiewrites2 says:

      Hmm yes. I come from a family of 5 children and I can’t say that we really had feuds …but I wasn’t really like my siblings. I did my own thing. Even today I’m different ….they all live in the south whereas I live in the north. …so maybe that’s the answer. Lol


  6. I would say it’s nothing less than an unutterable tragedy.


  7. Mohammad Abdullah says:

    What you say certainly strikes a chord with me having been fully disowned by one son and partially by one daughter. Far from being lonely and bitter, I have never been happier, with a lovely wife and a fantastic son.and a wonderful relationship with my elder daughter. I have never really understood what was to be gained by not talking to someone, bit childish really. We Muslims will also go to someones funeral so their soul can feel reassured that their family and neighbours love and respected them.

    Excellent post and repliees


    • rosiewrites2 says:

      I don’t understand the ‘not talking’ thing either.
      And you are deservedly enjoying your life because you are not nasty and you don’t bear a grudge .
      I wish you well …as you surely know, I don’t bear a grudge either.


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