Clerk of Works,
Parks and Recreational Dept.,
Car Parks Div..
It is with regret that I find myself writing, once again, to complain about the lack of designated parking spaces in the town.
I realise that the traffic easing system has greatly reduced the need for more parking but; and I do not wish to polarise the various factions within the Council …………. it is surely not enough to provide spaces for ‘Parent and Child’ and ‘Disabled’ persons. There are other unique groups to be considered.
I regularly come into town and I have never found a secure place to park Bertha.
For example, I recently had need to visit the local ‘Horace and Barnitt’ store, to stock up on ingredients for the weekly Potion Making Club. I admit I did loiter longer than intended by the impressive display of ‘Wing of bat’ and also sampled some Frog-spawn Cordial but, on leaving the shop, I caught some youths in the act of making off with Bertha !
I pursued them and eventually caught up with them but I am dismayed to have to report that their language sounded most uncouth and their remarks about my appearance were no politer. Of course, I corrected their behaviour ( the spell will have worn off by now ) ……but, nevertheless, it was most distressing.
I have tried securing Bertha to lamp-posts and other street furniture, however, various unfriendly Traffic Wardens have accosted me and informed me that I would be liable for damages, should I chip the paintwork or otherwise deface said installations !
Last month, I happened to be passing the town Playing Fields. It was a sunny day and the local cricket team were playing the Gasworks XI.
I leant Bertha against a tree and became engrossed in the game. Well, imagine my surprise when I noticed Bertha on the pitch. Apparently the ‘quicks’ had complained about falling leaves on their ‘run-up’ and so the long-leg had grabbed poor Bertha and was using her to sweep away the debris ! ………….. Oh, the ignominy !
However, I must tell you that the final straw occured yesterday, October 31st.
It was a very busy day for me, I always host a huge party every year and there are spells to cast …….. people to scare…….. potions to mix and all matter of occult matters to be resolved.
I need to be able to get about without hindrance and Bertha is vital if I am to accomplish this.
I happened to linger by the Green-grocers in the town square. They had a particularly excellent supply of pumpkins and other tasty goods. I left Bertha beside a cheerful …. but entirely inaccurate …. Hallowe’en display and went in to chat with a colleague, who was purchasing some hemlock.
That was when disaster struck and on my return Bertha was gone …… stolen…… purloined …..nicked …..pinched !!
It transpired that she had been sold to some bespectacled youngster, along with a cardboard witches hat and a cheap cotton cape and they were last seen flying over the Town Hall. The youngster was brandishing some sort of weapon and yelling something about ‘quiddich’ and a ‘potter’ and, I believe something that sounded like a ‘warty hog’.
My spells have failed to retrieve her and I am extremely distraught !
Therefore, I do think that, given the number of witches in the area, it is high time you provided Broomstick spaces within your car parks.
I urge you to discuss this matter at your earliest convenience, before the problem becomes an epidemic.
Thanking you , in anticipation of an early reply,
PS. I have a special spell on standby ……….. it turns Councillors into bats !
This is a reblogged entry for the Countdown Word game …..I thought you might enjoy it ……..
This weeks words are EASING, PARENT, SOUNDED, QUICKS, WEAPON, POLARISE, CLUB, FOUND, POLITER, LOITER, DAMAGES